I am glad that your session went well yesterday. I so understand not being able to let down your guard in front of everyone, again I always had to be the strong one in my family too even though I was the youngest and considerably younger than my siblings at that. Everything was already so dysfunctional by the time I came along the only role I could assume was the strong one (and the clown of course). I often had to carry my mother’s emotions and she was unable to contain mine. My T has been ever patient and persistent in helping me see that SHE is different than my mother and by allowing myself to work through the transference feelings it has forced me to see the difference and to re-experience my emotions and needs in the right way and within the symbolic embrace and security of my attachment to my T. It is an amazing process.
It sounds like you are really developing a solid and trusting relationship with your T. That is highly important in the out working of your therapy. To allow yourself to experience the attachment you never had allows your brain to make vital connections that were never made in infancy so that we ultimately stop repeating the same behavior patterns we otherwise tend to make in our relationships throughout our life.
I know about those sessions when you feel like you are finally on a roll and they have to end. I’ve had two hour sessions before and that is almost enough time to get on a roll and cover enough things sufficiently. But there is __always__ more it seems. I never run out of things to work on.
I seen my T twice again this week and will see her again on the 31st. I am really looking forward to that already. I still think AG needs to get to work on that time machine and fast forward all of us into the day of our next appt. I know she’s trying. I see her looking up from the pile of scrap metal, components and wires to wipe the grease off her face.
JM