Wynne,

I don't know if this is any consolation but after the holidays last year my T told me that while she was visiting her family her and her FOO fell right back into their old roles of relating to each other. Apparently there was some conflict but of course she didn't give me anymore details. But when you are with your FOO it is extremely hard to not be who you were when you were all still living together. Kids especially have firm roles in the family and they totally polarize. One is smart so the other is not-so-smart, one is sporty and one is bookish, one is accomplished and one is a failure and so on. These roles in our FOO's are so well defined and engraved into us that even T's get sucked in. This has made me feel better for getting sucked in myself. I am sorry that you have to be there though, since you seem very uncomfortable. Maybe next holiday you are just simply not available to come home or something. I've had to do that and even though it makes my mom very unhappy (which makes everyone else unhappy) I value my emotional health over my mom's fulfillment of her "perfect family" illusion.

Did you bring a good book to read? Sometimes I find that a really good excuse for not really talking much to anyone.

JM,

I am glad you got through the day OK. I am sorry that you have been struggling lately and have to wait to see you T again. I wish there was something out there that can soothe the ache but I haven't found anything equal to how it feels to be with T. Even though my T left me in good spirits the days still feel very long and my next session seems very far away.