HB,

I absolutely had this feeling. I know exactly what you're talking about. I'm not sure what your family was like growing up, but I was the 5th of 5 girls, and a twin. I always felt like I was trying to be special, and wasn't quite cutting it, like there was nothing to differentiate me from the other girls, no matter what I did.

I felt similar about therapy for a long time. I longed to be different than the other clients that she sees. I wanted to be special to her in some way.

Over time, I have learned that I am special to her. I actually told her once that I wanted to be special to her, and she told me that I am. I asked in what way, and she answered this too. I took it in, and her treatment of me in, and now I know that I am special to her. It has helped me to let go of and work through a lot of things.

I guess my point is that I get what you're saying. Have you thought about talking to your T about it?

catgirl