I am extremely insecure and I feel like I can't compete with the therapist's other clients - ie my issues aren't severe or tragic enough to make her care about me. I worry about just being another "dollar" to pay the mortgage, rather than someone that matters. And because I am so insecure, I can't open up to the therapist because I am not sure she really cares (....and if you don't care, then you aren't ...worthy...I guess of hearing my thoughts). I have trust issues and I don't want to trust you if you aren't going to care and are just going to toss me to the curb. That was why I used the term "special".
And yes, I worry about becoming too attached and dependent - not because therapy will go on for longer - but because I will get hurt when the therapist leaves me (because...."everyone always leaves" and I get hurt - so I don't let people in...yes, yes...I know I have "issues"
)So do I feel special to her? I have that poor woman working so hard - I keep pushing her away and testing her and retreating every time I do move forward. I am surprised she hasn't given up on me - I have given her every opportunity and reason to do so. She is having to work so incredibly hard to earn my trust. So I think *she* is special to not have given up on me. And yeah, I guess she thinks I'm special...in a "determined not to give up on this challenge" and "I'm going to succeed with this one if it kills me" sort of way.
Of course, that being said, I still don't completely trust her
...but I'm working on it.Thanks for all the replies - I find all the posts on this site fascinating.