I'm so sorry. I know this is a painful, vulnerable spot to be in.
I do agree with much of what BLT said. I also wanted to add that this pattern you've developed of rejecting people sounds like a mental and emotional strategy of avoiding pain. It reminds me of that blog post AG did about the amygdala and the limbic system: when it hurts to much to get close to people, we look for ways to run away. However, that's a pretty ineffective way to manage our emotions and get our needs met. To break out of that cycle, we have to take a risk and do the exact opposite of what we've always done. Easier said than done, I know.
quote:He wants me to talk to him about difficult things in person and I try to talk to him via texting when things are too difficult to discuss. He won't allow this.
Oh, boy, can I relate. My T has a "no text, no email" policy, and isn't terribly keen on phone calls, either. As he explained, it's not necessarily about his dislike of outside contact. It's that discussing things in person is much more effective for both T and client. In person, there's a lot less room for misunderstanding and unmet expectations. I can (and do) write letters to him on occasion, but the rule is I bring them to session for either him or myself to read aloud. It was extremely difficult to adhere to this policy at first, but it has gotten easier over time.