Phoned my old T and she is so helpful. she says part of the problem is that this C offered stuff and then withdrew it, and is kind of punishing me. The comment on my blog would make sense if I was not in a situation where she started with offering and then withdrawing, as it feels like the care is being withdrawn.If you want to withdraw support you negotiate with the client.

She also said that one way to work through this deep attachment pain and the need around it is to find a therapist who won't be distracted by my colourful trauma history and tell this T that they MUST not let me have contact with them AT ALL between sessions, no matter how hard I beg and plead and push and have Crisis. And remind Me that I told them to do that, and they are doing it because they care. that might work.
sigh

She also said something quite radical. She said that if I could work on this for two solid days with a good T, then I could work through it and just need some mopping up sessions.

wow. that is quite a thought.

wonder if she might be offering!!

anyway, I feel I am slightly talking to myself here, not sure anyone is reading any of this, but it helps me to write it all and at least I am anonymous.