Liese, no rupture is when things are going really bumpy and sometimes fall apart, much better if it doesn't happen. If it does, then sometimes it is a signal that things are going very deep and both client and therapist are finding it hard, but apparently it is often the point before real breakthrough. I have experienced that with other T's. Here it was just pure rupture, she got to the point where she actively disliked me. No way through if that is happening. And I look back and remember how insistent she was that she had unconditional love .... unconditional. well, it turned out there were an awful lot of conditions hiding in the wings.
someone really vulnerable would have been devastated by what happened today - the things she said about me and what she implied - but actually thankfully I can see that she really was not up to the job and that is TRULY HER problem and not mine.
Still feel queasy tonight though. Guess that is to be expected. I had grown to love and trust and believe in her over 16 months and then in two months it all shattered from her side. I shall find it very hard when I DO find a new T to believe that I can tell them ANYTHING and they won't run in horror and feel I am beyond the normal range of human experience. sigh.
But my old T feels I am an amazing caring and competent adult and very sane but carrying some huge emotional pain but she does NOT disrespect me for it, she admires me for how much I have grown and how I work so hard and am committed to learning what my difficulties are and what resources I can nurture in myself and how I can change some of my unhelpful patterns.