Dear Sheychen
I've followed your story for a while now. You are so brave, insightful and human. You may not feel it but you have probably leapt forward so far by taking control of this dreadful situation which is not of your making. I may not word this properly but your instincts and thinking are so healthy!! You will feel like shit some days 'cause this is so very hurtful but take a deep breath, then another, then another and give yourself a big pat on the back and be a little kinder to yourself 'cause you are still moving forward!! Probably not making much sense but hugely with you.
Many hugs
Morgs