Thank you Liese and forlorn.
Liese, - I don't think TN is more or less along the path than me - but I do know that a T who can cope with the client's rage is a good T. that is all. And you don't HAVE to have anger, my problem is that I did not really HAVE anger, or a few times in my life I exploded and wondered "where the heck did THAT come from?" so the anger of September and October was a very very uncomfortable experience for me and I just could not UNDERSTAND or cognitively get a grip on it, it was pure ANGER. And it flew at my Counsellor like you would not believe.

I shall look at that book Forlorn. It is very kind of you to follow my painful thread, and I send you back my own care and kindness for your journey as you too seem to be in a difficult place.

I think I am at a new beginning - but with whom? That is the million dollar question. There are apparently attachment based psychotherapists, who work on that primarily over two years - and know it. And I think I need one of those. The main centre in England is the Bowlby centre in London and I don't know if I could get one near me - no where nr London.

I am going to take it slow and steady finding a new one. I shall interview many and work out who I feel comfortable with. Last time I did this, I worked with the T - a man - for two and half years - the first two with great success and then he sexually abused me. So - sigh - I feel trepidatious to say the least.

I have decided to re-shedule the 'saying the good things' session this Wednesday - to the following week as I have a big conference that starts that day and I would be pushed for time.

so will email her asking for a rain check.

thanks for your support, it really helps. It helps that people like TN have been through this, on my own without this forum - I would have thought I was the only one in the world whose T walked out on them when it got tough.

I still cannot believe she would not work with the rupture and come through it, when I would. I just feel she is smaller than I thought.

My smaller more vulnerable parts are still aghast, in shock, and wailing. Sigh.