It's okay - in a way you are right.
And I have talked with two therapists today and it was clear by just talking with them, that the C was not the right person to work with, she was not trained to that level.

Today one T talked directly to my inner child and before I knew it, I was talking from taht part and then I started shaking and my teeth chattering and I could not think or speak. She said I was releasing trauma stored in the body and then I sort of did what I call 'resting' where I don't hear what people are saying, like I have gone slightly blank and she pointed out that I was dissassociating, and no one explained that THAT is disassociating and so I was amazed - as I do that A LOT.

So two big things - but then I had an hour across bleak rainy moors back home, in driving rain and I was still slightly shaking and she said what would help? So I said (first time ever)"a hot cup of tea would really help" and she said she does not give clients hot drinks.

That seemed so formal to me, I was just in shaking mode and I needed to drive back across the moors in rain and there is no where to GET tea.

so that did not feel so good.

the other T is only 20 minutes away and I talked with her on the phone and she seemed completely unfazed by the issues I was talking about, - BUt cannot see me until January as she is full right now - but SHE said that with attachment and early years trauma it is NORMAL to go through a period of dependancy and so two sessions a week could be helpful then with a phone call even if it was really necessary
!!!!
would cost me an arm and leg

but hey

remember what I have just been through - a huge argument with a C who INSISTED that one session a week was enough and no other contact and her supervisor and her supervisor's supervisor agreed and so I can hardly believe my ears.

but I have not got to meet her, only talk on the phone.

Another interesting thing:
I had an email from the C in my inbox when I got home but I answered my other emails first - cos I wanted to.

that it is thefirst time it is not urgent to open her email immediately.

I am already disattaching, painful though it is.

I see the psychologist tomorrow for an initial assessment (this must be the third!!) and I have told him I only want to work with him for skills training and not therapeutic relationship stuff, i just don't feel he has worked enough on himself, he is only a psychologist for heaven's sake. teh woman across the moors who does not do 'tea' has done 18 years of therapy, which she was a bit sensitive about.

How to work out what to do, how do you make decisions? With me I just let things unfold, and I can always pull out if I don't like someone further down the line


but it makes it so clear already that the C was WAY OUT OF HER DEPTH.