I think I am realizing that warning them of my worst bits, is making them say they won't work with me. I think I shall stop that and just ask a lot of questions about how they work with trauma and attachment.
I wrote an email the the 'no T' lady and she has not replied which is worrying me. I could imagine doing some good work with her, but she may be too fragile herself - and is wondering like the rest, whether she can actually handle me.

I see a very famous psychiatrist - who happens to be someone I sort of know through my own work, - tomorrow, he is very nice and I sent him an email about what is really going on for me (he only kknew I had suffered depression last year) and so he said we could go for a walk together tomorrow or the day after (we are both at the same conference) and he would try and give some ideas of the best way forward.
Hope he has some good ideas. What usually happens is people tell me what I need and then I cannot find them within a one hour radius.
Fingers crossed.
I woke up with my smallest self really missing the old C. Just wanting to snuggle up to her and have her head kissed, like she used to do to that very littlest part of me.
someone yesterday implied (not here) that I have DID, which I don't - I just have a part of me that I have hidden really well that has got a lot of hurting going on. Like many people really.