Looks like visine, cold wet cloths and make-up are supposed to help.
A co-worker is coming to pick me up for horse back riding in 35min. I am so sad. Mom thinks I need meds again, my guess is that i'm just moving thru a process of misery to something different in my life.
I saw my P today. It didn't go that well. She said I'm focusing a neg thread of insults thrown at me over my life...and there is more to me than that. I realized how bad it must have sounded and immediately felt guilty for dumping on her. Guess I was pretty neg. When I told her before that I didn't want to dump my stuff on her, she said she "Signed up for it" ...which I thought was pretty funny.
It's just a sad day, still very tired and not sleeping, worried about losing my job and control of my life.
I am not going back to work. It was a cement wall I hit, not just a bump in the road this time and the prospect of change is freaky. I called my P x2 after I got home today, once to tell her I got a job interview I didn't expect (yah!!) and that my confidence is shot to hell
and I'm scared silly to go, and the next time to tell her how sad I am, maybe I should try meds again?...and that I'm having a hard time containing it all. Now I feel stupid and guilty. I feel so uncomfortable needing a therapist and support... she sometimes does not return my call and she didn't today... I'm not really sure if its ok that i call her, some shrinks don't like contact during the week due to boundary issues and time. Gee. I wonder how long it takes to recover? I'm tired of therapy and tired of trying all the time. Maybe bouncing around on a horse tonight will shake me out of this.
How long does therapy really take to transform the mess into something wonderful?....it's been 5 years already.