That makes a lot of sense to me how difficult it would be for you to deal with your P saying anything negative about your father.
I think the truth is that both the positive and negative aspects of him are true and valid. But it might take a while and be pretty difficult to get to a place where you can hold on to both of those simultaneously.
I think if you keep talking this out with your P, you will make real progress! But I'm sorry you have such a long break coming up. That must be really hard after hitting something big like this.
