JM,

I have often felt overwhelmed by my need for connection and companionship and for someone to talk to. I have tried so hard to "break out of my shell" and befriend people but I just can't seem to really connect with anyone on a deeper level. I am so afraid of embarrassment and rejection that sometimes my jaw is literally frozen when I try to talk to someone no matter how badly I might want to.

After two years with my present T I have finally begun to fully trust her and feel safe. I wish it hadn't taken so long for me to get to this place but the deeply ingrained patterns of self protection that I needed to survive as a child are not easily moved aside. When they do though and I can finally get something out that has tormented me for so long and have it be met with gentleness and understanding by my T I feel better than I can describe. So I can easily see why I miss her so much and wish I could see her more often. And why I want so deeply to give her back as much as she gives me. I can't though and I find that frustrating.

Maybe you need to be able to talk about things in your life more than just once a week to help lift the weight. This forum has does this for me during this particularly difficult time in my life right now. Tell us more. We are listening.