Oh, incognito I had to reply to this because you sound EXACTLY like me. I do the same thing. And yes, this has happened to me before. More than once. I have been through those difficult sessions and have asked for an additional session. I have felt that grateful feeling and I have mailed my T... and then.. no response. So I get mad at myself for sending the email knowing it would be torture waiting for a response. When it does not come... then I'm convinced that he hates me, that I'm a horrible person and at my next sessio he will terminate me. I manage to work myself into quite a frenzy over an unanswered email.

The last time this happened I sent email on Monday night. By Friday not getting a response I was sure he was avoiding me and thinking that I was such an annoyance. So I get a call from him that morning telling me he needs to cancel my son's appointment that evening...so now I freak out thinking that this is it. It's because of that email and the extra session I had asked for. So I get upset about the cancelation and find the courage to ask him if he ever got my email. He says I don't remember... what was it about? So I tell him and he says let me check my email and turns on the computer. It was taking awhile and I said the subject is _____ please just read it. So now he can tell I'm upset and he asks me if I want a call back and I say no just a response would be fine. We scheduled a new appointment and that was it.

Later I get an email from him which has become the most important email I have ever received from him. My email had basically asked for reassurance that we were okay. He wrote back to me that he was sorry that he didn't respond. That he did get my email but saw it as a rhetorical question and didn't think I needed an answer. But now he understands and he told me that he would be there for me, no matter what and if ever I thought things were not okay then we would work to make it so.

I cried a long time over that email and I carry it with me to remind me that he will always be there for me. Those words were very powerful and came on a day when I convinced myself that he hated me. Go figure.

So, give your T the benefit of the doubt. He sounds like he does care about you and has perhaps thought that you were not asking for a response. As for the guidelines about contact... they are fuzzy for me as well. My T will sometimes say it's okay to email and today because I had a rough Wednesday session and I emailed him and then called him he told me if things get intense I can call him this weekend. He has never done that before and I'm with him for 10 months now.

So please don't think it has anything to do with you and with your relationship with your T. It will all be okay. It's just a communication thing. Please keep us posted.

True North