Hi S and welcome to the Board. You are not ranting you are in pain and for that I'm sorry. I've been there and I still am there at times.

I just wanted to comment on something. You say if your T really loved you the boundary BS would be irrelevant. But it is precisely because your T cares for you that she is keeping and holding those boundaries. This is her way of putting YOU first and keeping you safe enough to do what you need to do in therapy. It's actually quite unselfish caring on her part to keep the boundaries in place. She is showing her unconditional care for you. I know it does not feel that way but it would be easier for her to let the boundaries slip and to indulge what you think you want. But study after study shows that T/patient sexual involvement is VERY harmful to the patient. What your T is doing is protecting you and that is an important form of caring.

I know how hard it is... I hate those boundaries too but I know my T keeps them in place BECAUSE he cares about me.

Perhaps if you keep talking and writing about it you may find some peace with it.

TN