AG, TN, Summer, S,

What a hard thread to read! I can hardly stand the thoughts in my head and the torrent of emotions they stir. I can understand the rational for transference therapy but my heart feels deeply betrayed. Death is more inviting than to imagine anyone thinking I have some unconscious longing or desire for my therapist! I wish I had the words to explain how strongly I feel about this possibility. I did not sign up for this! I was not told by my T that the therapeutic relationship is most of what happens in therapy.

For the past few years, I mostly ignored the things she did that irritated me. Sometimes I could confront her or disagree with her but i did not try to make an issue of our differences. I needed her help and did not want to let the feelings I felt interfere. In an effort to understand the cause of and process for recovery of repressed memories, I read copiously. What a waste of time! I did not need to read, rather, I needed to let myself feel and bring those feelings to the therapy appointment. I still struggle to believe doing so is most important. Why didn't she tell me they were the key to healing? (Rhetorical question, I know.) I feel like such a fool. I feel incredibly ashamed and deeply saddened. It feels as though I've been purposely set up. I don't want this but I can't stop it and if I understand this, and other threads on the topic of transference, going through it is the only way out. How does one face this and continue to work full-time? What causes such an intense fear of exposure?

Deeply Rooted