I deeply believe that it is possible to change your patterns of behavior, it's just difficult work because you have to in effect "re-wire" your brain. And because so many of these patterns play out on a non-verbal level and are unconscious, it takes being in a relationship with someone who can help you see what you're doing and not aware of. I'm reading a really good book on Attachment right now called, appropriately enough
, "Attachment in Psychotherapy" by David Wallin which talks about what we've learned about attachment and applies it to healing someone in a clincial setting. The brain never loses its plasticity. What you learned as a child is NOT a life sentence. Do not despair, your past is not the definition of either who you are, or what you will become. There's some quotes from the book I'll post later when I have the time about this subject, but I didn't want to let it go to long without answering.
You are not broken, or sullied. There may possibly be some scars, but scars are a sign of healing. That which does not kill us, only makes us stronger. And postpones the inevitable.
AG