Thank you all for caring about this. Been distracted with life and have not been able to respond.

Sky, I agree with what you wrote. We do look into all that early stuff too. You always have something pertinent to say...thanks

Caroola, Nice to meet you and it warmed my heart that you said sharing my "stuff" has helped you. That means a lot to me. It was really so difficult to go near that subject....terrified the wits out of me. T received me so well yesterday and we walked very slowly through the confusion and bewildered feelings I could not articulate. Seems my father may be at the base of all this. I've always felt the only thing I have to offer a man is sex. I have deeply instilled beliefs that I am essentially worthless to the world and a man only wants one thing...my father did not like women at all and guess what....he got 7 girls in a row!! So, I am the one that hid from him, my whole life. Still trying to work that all out.

TN, I've known T for abuot six years and seeing him regulary for 3 years. I wish I could remember, verbatim, what he said. He did say he needs me to "feel" that he cares about me and said that if he told me those words I would not believe him. I said that I am not so sure about that. I've been craving to hear those words. He also said that his behaviour and actions have demonstrated the care he has. That is very true.
He said so much, I cannot recall. I just knew it all fell into place and felt the love and care...even if it's "only" therapy love, come through the phone line and envelope me. I felt it then. I know intellectually he cares, it's the danger of letting myself feel it. Then he has the extra power to hurt me and trick me. We are working on it. Thank you all. This has helped me sort through this.