It totally makes sense that you would be apprehensive about going back after your long break, knowing that your T is then leaving for a week. It also makes sense that you are questioning ever going back, because it does hurt when our T’s mess up or disappear and you want to keep from feeling that pain. But your T going on vacation doesn’t mean she is disappearing. It is not inevitable that your therapy is going to end with her abandoning you.

From what you’ve written about her, I truly believe she cares about you. I remember that amazing gift you gave her in your last session before your trip. Can you remember how heart-wrenching it felt to think about leaving her for good? It makes total sense to me that after facing that prospect, you want to protect yourself from having to face it again. But in protecting yourself, you also lose all of the good stuff that your T gives you.

I can see why you would feel brushed-off with your T’s minimal apology for the auto-responder mishap, but that doesn’t mean that it wasn’t a big deal for you and that you have to let it go. You can tell her how affected you were by it. Just because she wasn’t reliable doesn’t mean it was shameful or wrong of you to want her to be.