I listened to it all, altho not great quality at times - audio wise.

This entire video and seemingly his book describes me so closely. I bought two copies of his book - one for me and one for my T - and asked her to watch the video, altho can understand if she doesn't. We are both stuck with my therapy as I am so complex and can switch between newborn reactions to adult reactions in milliseconds. Poor T never knows where to pitch her words, her tone, her therapy, her anything.

I had said to her just before we had our big rupture before Christmas that it is the child and the newborn inside me who is always hurting, that is the place of hurt and all the damage and this is what needs to be healed first. There is no point pitching strategies at me all the time when my basic needs of human touch, trust, safety etc aren't met. Thankfully she touches and hugs and I have gradually allowed her to - but to me this is a teaspoon of water in an ocean of what I need.

How does this get healed in an adult. Please someone in the universe - give me that answer. If I was a cute Romanian refugee child who had been abandoned and never touched and was saved by kind samaritans - my therapy would be love, nurturing, consistent support, touch, hugging, attention. Constant therapy, constant human presence of attachment figures.

I need that as an adult because similar stuff happened to me at birth and for my childhood.

So as an adult how do I get my attachment figure to give me those "childlike" remedies when I am an adult. I need those things, but I can't get those things. Two hours a week of my T spread out over 2 sessions - all that does is activate my threat systems and cause me to go into shutdown mode because of imminent abandonment.

I am just so lost with all this.

But thankyou for the link, it is a stepping stone for T and I to work on next.
SD