Thank you so much for replying and for your encouragement. Like most others, I've wondered about how my T "really" feels about me. I've told him many times that I'm afraid he thinks badly of me or feels negatively about me. Funny thing is, he never really denied it. For example, when I asked him if he felt "sick" when he saw my name on his schedule (I was asking him if a hypothetical statement he'd made had any truth to it), he said "If I felt that way about someone I'd have to refer them, because I couldn't be helpful to them." And the way he acted last session, maybe that is the case. It feels pretty horrible to consider, but...oh well.
And thanks for the encouragement to continue with a new T. It sounds like one has been picked out for me. Maybe I should give it a chance, but I want to be able to talk freely about all my feelings about this, positive and negative. If the new T knows my T, will they be offended or get defensive of my "old" T?
I'd better wrap this up, I'm falling asleep at the computer (it's 2 a.m.). Thank you again for your help, Summer.
SG