AG, I LOVE hearing about how your T has handled your feelings. Among other things, it helps to make sense of what went right, and wrong, in my own therapy. It also gives me the words to ask for what I need next time. And I mean that quite literally. With your permission, I could just take your last post from T to T until I find one who "gets it". Not that I can "plan" to have transference with a new T, but at least then I would know it's safe to talk about the issues that came up with the old T.
Your latest description of your relationship with your T made me think of my longing for a "safe" father. I believe in God, so for years I've tried to think of Him as my "Father", but I was never able to get that to work very well. I still long for a safe human father. There was one man who was a father "figure" to me for a couple of years, but that was almost 20 years ago and we were not able to keep in touch.
On another message board that I belong to, I've learned that when I'm longing for the old BF, it's not really love, but I'm looking for what I didn't get as a child. My old BF and I met when my relationship with my father was at its worst. I'm pretty sure the reason he still triggers so much longing in me is because I tried to get my dad needs met through him (although of course I didn't think of it that way at the time). And what little girl doesn't want to put her daddy up on a pedestal?
In my mid-20's, I had a relationship with a woman my mom's age who gave me emotionally what my mother was not able to. She's not a therapist, but she's very spiritual and down-to-earth, very wise, and it seemed to work because I don't long for a mother anymore. When you describe your T, it makes me wish for a similar relationship with a man who could give me emotionally what my father couldn't.
Thank you for the compliments and encouragement in how we're handling this...but first of all, your posts are one of the big things helping me handle it right now, your example of how therapy goes when it goes well. And second, and I know I don't know you very well, but from all your posts (I noticed you hit a grand - congratulations!) I really doubt that you'd be curled up in a ball forever. Maybe for a little while (like I was)...but then you'd come out looking for answers too. You wouldn't stay down.
As for the games, it is so hard to tell what is going on here. It may truly be transference because my old BF played games. At any rate, I will most definitely get it clear with the next T that there are to be NO games, or there is no deal.
Must get to bed...it's very late here.
Good night all,
SG