I am sorry you are going through such a difficult time. I know all about transference/counter-transference and attachment with T's. I am only just coming through a dreadful time with exT who became my friend. We met outside of therapy, I knew her husband and she told me all her personal and family stuff and I supported her. Who was giving therapy to who? I was the one paying though. So much happened I couldn't begin to write it all but I was seeing her for therapy twice a week and meeting her socially and she took over my life.
Jones, thank you for your post it is brilliant and explains it all perfectly. My exT did exactly what Jones said, she panicked and abandoned me. After that she denied that we had ever been friends, she made things up about me and my mental health saying that I had BPD. I was devastated because she had taken my therapy, friendship and outside social activities, with her, away from me. I was temporarily suicidal. My confidence and self-worth were zero, worse than when I started therapy. This happened in August 2010. After a year of hell I decided the only way to deal with it was to complain to her professional body. There was a hearing, at that hearing she did not appear to understand that she had done anything wrong, even with the panel questioning her and the lies kept coming. I won my case and she was sanctioned, she failed to comply with the sanctions and was expelled from her professional body. She never showed any remorse, she was like ice compared to how warm she was with me when I thought we were lifelong friends. I felt better because I was believed by the panel but I still couldn't move on.
I then took her through civil litigation and won my case, it was settled out of court. This helped me enormously because I was sent to see an expert witness, a psychiatrist who specialises in personality disorders. Her report was life changing for me because she completely slated the way exT had treated me, her lies and her incompetent and uneducated diagnosis of my mental health. If it wasn't for her I wouldn't be in the good place I am today although I still suffer from PTSD symptoms sometimes. I think it is over and something happens and it all comes back to haunt me, thankfully it doesn't last for long.
So Anton, if you can get out of that situation with your T now, then I would urge you to do so. As Jones said, after a while you can't think straight it just takes over your whole life and it will always end in tears.
Four years of my life have been taken up with trying to move on from this exT. Others on here will tell you the same. It didn't stop me from getting attached to another T but she had strong boundaries and I felt safe and grounded with her. I could tell her how I was feeling and because she didn't fuel the situation I found it lost its power over me.
Good Luck Anton in whatever you decide to do. Please keep posting and ask any questions if that would be helpful for you.
Caroola