Hi AG,
Thanks for the feedback, compelling post. I can relate to much of what u are saying. But i'm definitely not saying i have enuf info to know i would be compatible with my T in a real relationship. What i'm saying is that everything that i HAVE seen indicates a strong likelihood. But i can see the difference, have talked to the T about it, and have read many accounts of such situations.

Because i have been fairly isolated due to illness, i am particularly vulnerable to getting carried away in a situation like this. Indeed, like a sponge as you say. Or a junkie finally getting his fix. I have said to the T that this feels risky because i am too vulernable. She has handled it well but its thin ice. Not becuz i expect anything to happen, its a dead end, but because its too easy for me to get caught in the fantasy, and then come crashing down again and again.

I will say tho that 4 previous therapists had basically no effect on me. So for me anyway they are not interchangeable placeholders for my projected feelings. The current one is special, i can feel it in every cell in my body. And she is attractive to me whereas the others were not. And she has revealed more of herself than she normally does, and so i have seen some of her real personality, got bit annoyed with each other, a bit fed up. But i keep telling her how much i treasure her as well.

To be honest, at times it is just plain beautiful in the moment and who cares about all the bloody psych nonsense and what does it all mean, etc. Thats part of what I try to focus on -- just having a deep connection with this wonderful human being without trying so hard to make it part of some complicated process. And how bad can that be, even if i will never have her in my real life. But i hear what u are saying, appreciate your advice.

-anton