quote:

hats part of what I try to focus on -- just having a deep connection with this wonderful human being without trying so hard to make it part of some complicated process.

Therapy IS about the connection. That's what makes it work. Though I totally understand how hard that is to negotiate. When I first started therapy and felt like I was falling for my therapist, I about went nuts trying to figure out just what kind of relationship I had entered into. It offers some of the deepest intimacy I'm likely to experience with another human being, but only for 45 minutes a week and I'm...paying him??? WTF?

So what is he? Not a friend; friends go out for coffee. Not a lover; lovers have sex. Not my father; he didn't spawn or adopt me. I finally settled on "ally." That's what my T is: an ally. The feelings are real, the connection is real, the boundaries are concrete.

Anton, I promise I relate to what you are saying. While I might experience ET with another therapist, what I have in terms of a personal connection is unique with this one. I don't think I could easily find another T who is as much into the arts as I am, or religion or women's rights or nature. While I haven't done serious therapy with another T, I have seen 2 or 3 psychiatrists and a college psychologist, and I didn't experience these feelings with any of them.

It's ok to enjoy and cherish the connection. It can be very life-giving. But the purpose of therapy is to develop the skills and desire to recreate that experience with loved ones outside of therapy. As in AG's case, my marriage has improved significantly since I started working with my T. Therapy is a very intense experience, so it feels like once in a lifetime. But really, it's just the beginning.