Welcome to the forums. I've only been here a few months and have found this to be a wonderful place for support and encouragement.
I think most of us on this board can relate to your feelings for your T. The idea that being close is painful and being far is painful is something I'll all too familiar with. I think the others have given good words of wisdom, caution, and insight.
quote:Originally posted by anton:
My point is that a lot of what i read and hear seems excessively focused around labeling and defining feelings, and around a process where everything is a stepping stone to some future salvation, so just trying to remember that if i feel a deep connection in the moment (even if it is contrived in a way) it doesn't have to always mean anything more than that and just appreciate it.
I agree with what you said above. We try to label every interaction something clinical as if we could diagram what is happening on a blackboard, which we could do with a lot of my sessions. But I agree that a deep connection between two human beings can be just that and healing in itself, minus all the psychobabble.
I recently studied the Greek word for healing, which is therapia. I'm guessing it's the root word for therapy. If we think about the therapeutic relationship as a healing relationship, then it is the actual relationship that heals, not just the tools to learn how to do "real" relationships outside of therapy.
My T believes the actual real relationship between counselor and client is the healing agent. Having said that, I am aware that a relationship close enough to heal unfortunately can also create chaos, hence the strict boundaries. The boundaries actually protect the relationship from turning a healthy relationship to a chaotic and unhealthy one. I love and hate boundaries as much as the next client, but I'm thankful the boundaries allow me to continue in a close, deep relationship without fear.
I'm not sure if this helps you decide if you should continue with your T or not, but I think the more you talk it through with her, the more you'll know if your relationship with her can still help you. I think at some point if your frustration hits its limit and your feelings get in the way of healing, you'll know.
All I can say is you're not alone in your struggle and I hope longing and sadness ease up for you.
PassionFruit