Blue,

The fact that she was adamant she hadn't done anything wrong is a red flag all by itself. A T should always be open to hearing from their clients about how their clients perceive them (even if it's really uncomfortable) and no T is immune from getting pulled into a trauma re-enactment, or burning themselves out trying to be their clients' saviour. Some Ts don't set out to harm their clients but end up doing so all the same.

Your Ts feelings are her responsibility. You are allowed to feel the way you do. How she chooses to respond (and it is a choice) is down to her. You didn't make her sad, angry or disappointed. Any of those feelings are her responsibility to manage.

I think someone on this forum may have posted this link before to a resource for therapists on boundary crossings. I'm going to quote a section because it lists red flags - and I'm hoping it will help you see that your T's opinion that she hasn't done anything ethically dodgy would not necessarily shared by others in the profession.

https://www.continuingedcourse...ourses/course066.php

quote:

Here we offer another personal assessment in the form of some early warning signs of nonsexual boundary crossings that could cause confusion and disadvantage clients. These signals, some of which are adapted from Epstein and Simon (1990), Keith-Spiegel, 2014; Pope and Keith-Spiegel (2008), and Walker and Clark (1999), include the following:

• Actively seeking opportunities to spend time with a client outside of a professional setting;
  
• Anticipating, with uncommon excitement, a certain client's appointment;
  
• Expecting that certain clients should volunteer to do favors for you (e.g., getting you a better deal from her business);
  
• Viewing a client as in a position to advance your own position and fantasizing as to how that would play out;
  
• Wishing that a client were not a client and, instead, in some other type of relationship with you (e.g., your best friend or business partner);
  
• Disclosing considerable detail about your own life to a client and expecting interest or nurturing in return;
  
• Trying to influence a client's hobbies, political or religious views, or other personal choices that have no direct therapeutic relevance;
  
• Allowing a client to take undue advantage without confronting him or her (e.g., allowing many missed appointments without calling to cancel);
  
• Relying on a client's presence or praise or boost how you feel about yourself;
  
• Giving into a client's requests and perspectives on issues from fear that he or she will otherwise leave therapy;
  
• Feeling entitled to all of the credit when a client improves, especially if a marked achievement is attained while under your care;
  
• Viewing one or more clients as among the central people in your life;
  
• Greatly resisting terminating a client despite indicators that termination would be appropriate;
  
• Believing that you are the only person who can help a particular client;
  
• Noticing that the pattern of interactions with a client is becoming increasingly irrelevant to the therapeutic goals;
  
• Feeling jealous or envious of a clients’ other close relationships;
  
• Frequently allowing the therapy session to go overtime;
  
• Instigating communications with a client in between sessions for reasons that are contrived or irrelevant to the therapy issues;
  
• Finding yourself making extra efforts to impress a client about yourself and your achievements;
  
• A feeling of dread upon sensing that a client may decide to leave therapy; and finally,
  
• Feeling uncomfortable discussing the “red flags” that pertain to you with a trusted colleague because you are concerned that the colleague would be critical of your thinking or behavior.

I am sorry this is feeling so rough right now. I think the worst thing about dealing with a T relationship where boundaries have been violated is that it didn't always feel bad, so it's hard square that in your own head. Being taken out for lunch feels good, feeling special feels good. Dealing with the conflicting feelings is horrible.

I am sorry you're going through this. I think raising the issue with your T is very brave and healthy thing to do.