I can definately relate to what you are going through. My T jokingly calls me "poker face" because I could literally be having a meltdown or ready to erupt with rage and she wouldn't know it. I discussed my inability to experience or show emotion in front of T with her and how it relates to me fearing losing control in front of another person. I can't for the day when I finally feel safe enough to cry. I feel like I am getting there as the trust in the therapuetic relationship is growing.