Thanks for your comments. I'm sure that there is some validity in the anger I feel being a mask for hurt. I'm sure my P will point that out once we get going on it next week. I just hope that I am able to participate the way she needs me to, I'm so afraid to let anyone in far enough to show emotion so for her to expect me to 'feel' things is scary for me. I don't journal, mostly because I don't remember most of what happens in a session (I tend to blank things out when I start to feel anxious), so to sit down and write about it is hard. I also find it difficult to be honest with myself .. I sugar coat things or lessen the impact for some reason so that they don't seem as bad as they were. Maybe a part of me still tries to protect her(mom), or I'm protecting myself from myself. That sounds stupid really!
I do better when pushed a bit too, but when it hits that point where it's a little too much - then I shut down and become defensive, finding that very fine line will be hard for the P. She askes very few questions of me, it's more like she tells me what she sees and then I have to respond to that, or find a question in it for myself. So I will often take soemthign she said and say "So you are asking me ...." and I make my own questions
from what she says.I already spend 2 1/2 hours a day 5 days a week at the gym, and then I I just started daily boxing sessions (maybe the combination will help with the stress), and I always go after my sessions just incase I need to get something out of my system. So the exercise helps for sure .. I took a couple of weeks off (of the gym) and things definately got rough at home, so I try not to skip it to often!
Thanks again for your suggestions, I appreciate it
Holly