I know how you feel. I have the same problem and lately it has been frustrating me. I think part of my problem also is that I would rather let someone hurt me than for me to hurt someone else. So I never say what I think or how i feel because i might hurt someone's feelings. Even though those people could care less about whether they hurt me or not. I have been going through this a lot lately with my family. My parents said some really hurtful things to me one of which was that it was all my fault that my psychiatrist got his divorce several years ago because of the way I was acting. That was back when I was hanging out in his neighborhood and he stopped seeing me over it. My feelings told me to stand up for myself and not to believe it. To tell my parents how I felt and then walk out of their house. But I kept my mouth shut and just took in what they were saying because I felt like leaving all pissed off would be an over reaction. I wish I could learn to say what I think and feel without being so worried about the other person. They dont care about me so why should I care so much about them. My P says the way I react to things is affected by the abuse I went through and that I have to learn to change it. But I dont know if I ever will be able to.

On the good side of things I was able to see my P yesterday and tell him what my parents told me about his divorce being my fault and how I felt about it and that it really hurt me because as much as I love him and want to be with him it would really hurt me to know that I caused him those problems. I told him even though it would hurt that I needed to know the truth. He was able to tell me it wasnt my fault and we were able to talk even more about the transference and the ways I screwed up that made him stop seeing me. So what they did kind of helped me out in a way.

I just hope some day I can fix the other problem and trust that the way I feel is okay and that it is okay to let others know how I feel even if it might hurt their feelings a little bit. I guess I just have to care about myself enough first before I can make it happen. But its nice to know that I am not alone it dealing with it.