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I'm afraid to be angry with anyone because I believe I tend to overreact and/or I tell myself that the truth behind my anger relates to my 'issues of abuse' and therefore isn't legitimate, etc.

Thanks mlc! You do get it, and you explained it so much clearer than my rambling did! That's it exactly... We can work on this together!

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I just hope some day I can fix the other problem and trust that the way I feel is okay and that it is okay to let others know how I feel even if it might hurt their feelings a little bit. I guess I just have to care about myself enough first before I can make it happen.

Pippi, that's a very interesting point. By not standing up for ourselves, we really aren't caring about ourselves - and we deserve better than that. It sounds like your P is an amazing man. He sets limits, but is also open and honest with you, and that's a great relationship to have to help you get to where you want to be.

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This helped me tremendously to the point, where I don't fear what other people think of me so much anymore and I actually feel like I have the right to speak! I found self respect for myself.

You're right flicka, self respect is a big part of it, and def something i want to work on. I watched the video, it was helpful. I just need to try to talk to my T about this so I can work on it. Now i'm aware of it, at least that's a start i guess.

thanks for the replies. i felt kind of silly and embarassed after posting it but now i'm glad i did.

LTF