quote:

...instead of vocalising/expressing that emotion, I question the validity of it and do the opposite.

LTF, Thank you for sharing what you did...you're not alone, I do that all the time, too...I run several possible reactions through my head but since I can't predict the outcome of any one, I end up paralyzed and do nothing.

In one of our earlier sessions, my T said "If you don't remember anything else I tell you today, remember this: You need to TALK." I'm learning (slowly) that I need to "articulate" my feelings, and (slowly) learning to trust him that it's safe to do so. And yes, it is particularly difficult facing conflict, or fear, when a man is involved...especially when I'm experiencing transference with that man. Lots to learn, I suspect...

quote:

one more thing to add to the never-ending list

Hey, you've got one of those, too? At this point, I'll never have enough time to get caught up, and every time I talk with him, more "stuff" comes up. I'm starting to think in "categories" rather than single items...if we address just one "thing" from the category, maybe I can apply that solution to the rest.

And this message board has been so helpful...I haven't posted much yet but I've been reading lots.

Hi, Pippi...I'm glad you were able to talk things out with your therapist!

quote:

Being able to deal with conflict
can be done with both truth and grace.

Amen, Flicka! My way of dealing with conflict has always been avoidance, running, escaping...if not physically, then mentally, and/or emotionally. The few times I have tried to face conflict, the truth part came out, but I have a long way to go when it comes to grace.

I've been in therapy since January and we are just getting into talking about transference. I've almost bolted several times...there's the avoidance. And I've kept lots of thoughts and feelings to myself, out of fear of being hurt or abandoned.

Last session, we looked at a hypothetical statement he had made a couple of sessions back that triggered some fear in me. We traced the fear back to its roots, which was abandonment. Not only that, but also probably explains why I didn't ask him to clarify, because I might hit a boundary and...abandonment. So he gave me an example of a question I could have asked that was both truthful and graceful: "Last session, you made this hypothetical statement that really triggered some fear in me. Would it be a boundary issue for me to ask whether it's true?" Then he paused for a few moments, then said, "So is there something you want to ask me?" My version wasn't quite as polished, but it'll get better I'm really grateful that he can be so concrete about modeling how to articulate truthfully and gracefully when fear has a hold...I need a "script".

And he answered me, truthfully, gracefully, without abandoning me...and with not a bit more information than I needed Just like a T (a good one)

Keep "punching"!
SG