Number9, I don't see the people that hurt me anymore. I've moved far away. Did my anger/hurt turn to depression? Yes. For the most part controlled depression, if you can even understand what I mean by that. I am this person who remains "in control" when I am with people.

As for my T, I let my frustration out on her a few times when she was treating me in the beginning, and she basically told me to stop or I could find someone else. When she later did leave me (many months later) it had nothing to do with me being angry. I only ever said nice things to her, so I really don't understand. I wish I could just %$#*$# understand what I did.

Maybe I am angry with her and that is why I am now so depressed. Maybe I am depressed because I wish she could understand how much she has hurt me. Maybe I'm scared to be angry with her because somehow I just wish in the bottom of my heart that she would come back to me, and if I got angry with her, I would be burning the last bit of hope that I had (even though I know she will never change her mind). I suppose it doesn't even matter anyway. She doesn't care and I'm depressed, and somehow life just goes on.

B2W