quote:

I had been told by my father (more than likely numberous times) how unattractive I was so that I would believe he was the only place I had to go. It kept me close so I was handy to abuse. I am struggling with a lot of feelings in response to the realization, mainly rage and grief.

That is horrible AG! I am so sorry for you and that little girl part of you. It reminds me of how my ex-husband used to treat me and how he primed me for abuse by attacking my self-esteem (what I had of it). It's bad enough when anyone does this, but when a primary attachment figure does so it is a deeper breach. This is a definite pattern of abuse to keep the victim a victim and to even blame the victim for what is happening to them so that the victim even believes it is their fault. It is sick, twisted, and demented, but it works. While it served its purpose to enable the perpetrator to keep on abusing it holds its victims as prisoners for a long time even after the abuse stops. But we are no longer victims, we are survivors. We are triumphant and we will prevail!

(((HUG)))
JM