Right now, I am feeling alternately tired and "amped" - like my energy level has not evened out yet. Mostly wired.
Did have some "flushing" and am prone to dizziness from postural hypotension, so I'll stay hydrated and watch out for that. No HA's or jitters, hopefully none. I can counter with the herbs.
Last night was slightly "trippy/psychotropic" meaning that I had a strange feeling/dreams/colors and lights/slightly agitated/paranoid feeling. Not bad.
With the bursts of energy I want to do everything at warp speed, and then I wear myself out. Sounds like same energy cycle as scaredtoriskmyself but much shorter cycles.
One thing that irritates me are the comments that exercise is just as effective for depression as drugs. What? athletes/active people never get depressed? Um, no. For me, that logic doesn't apply. Granted, when I'm depressed I'm not quite as active, and would be much worse off if I wasn't moving, but when snowboarding in bright sunlight doesn't cut it.. it's time for the big guns. (at least temporarily)
I'm a little worried that I may become obnoxious...talk to much...say whatever comes to mind. I get like this right before my cycle, and I'm self-conscious about it.
I'm also curious about whether or not WB contributes to the healing process, just facilitates it, or hinders it (many T's are against drugs)
I'm sure there is some placebo effect at this point, but I'm finding that I'm a bit less devastated by not feeling understood by my T, and that I can accept that he just has shortcomings and that I'm expecting him to be something he cannot. But then again, I'm not allowing myself to look at the cynical side... (this is the way it's ALWAYS going to be, you are ALWAYS going to be disappointed, stop trying, f*#k it all, the more people know me the less they like me because I suck, yada, yada. But it's not SHOUTING at me anymore. Someone on a blog had said it was like the difference between Marilyn Manson (YOU F#*N SUCK!!!!!) vs. Mr. Rogers: Do you know you suck? Can you say suck? Good, I knew you could.
And that's ok. I just feel like I don't care as much anymore, but not in a bad way, necessarily.
And I am very, very talkative. It's obnoxious, you may have noticed. Toward the manic end of the continuum.