My Ts both ask me (I think when we transitioned a little in therapy a few months ago) how something 'serves me'. What it does for me now. They both honor that whatever it is helped me survive but challenge it gently and sometimes not so gently
I was having a particularly heated session with my T a couple weeks ago where I was really angry with her. She asked (like MID ANGER) what my anger at HER (which she felt was about more than it was and I'm not fully convinced but maybe) was serving me and I said 'I guess so I'm not angry at myself' and she said EXACTLY! and 'I can take THAT all day long for you'. But... I'm not entirely sure if she meant I could be mad at her... or just mad in general
My T treats anger like it is pretty much the best feeling in the universe to have. She's really good at dealing with it.Anyways... I think it's been amazing in my therapy for my Ts to stop and challenge me now that I have a pretty good base with them. They still let me have some things and sometimes it is very frustrating while I'm trying to resist to have my defense poked but it's the only way (I think) to get where I'm trying to go.