I totally understand how you're feeling.
The truth is that most people who go into therapy, and certainly people dealing with the kinds of issues that most of us seem to be dealing with here, are challenged on several fronts.
We've been avoiding our emotions, oftentimes for years if not decades. We learned to do that because we didn't have the security and attunement we needed to learn how to deal with them and not being able to deal with them, we often learned to feel incredibly threatened by having them.
My T often talks about the fact that people go to therapy hoping to make things better and often in the beginning they get worse. That the purpose of therapy is that you feel safe enough to feel scared. But scared isn't fun. You've been avoiding these feelings and these skeletons for really good reasons! They suck! They're painful, they're threatening, they often make us feel ashamed, isolated and lonely. What sane person goes towards that? Answer: the wingnuts who are brave enough to go to therapy.
So in a weird way, take comfort from the fact that you're feeling worse. That means you're probably doing what you should and it also means that you ARE feeling. That can be a big accomplishment. But with a very significant difference this time around. This time you have someone who can listen, understand, help you make sense out of it and teach you to tolerate and use your emotions to live a better life.
Last but not least, the pain that is emerging has always been there, frozen and pushed down, which meant that some part of your energy and resources have been devoted to holding it down, and tucked away. As you continue to face this stuff, talk about it, process it, sort it through, you'll experience what several people have talked about, you'll clear out space and free up energy and that new space can be allowed to fill with good things, and that new energy to do other things then just hold pain in place.
You can be in pain and holding still, or you can be in pain and moving forward. If you're in pain and moving forward, you will learn so many better ways to cope with that pain, and you'll leave a significant amount behind.
But did I mention that it sucks? This process in therapy is difficult, painful sometimes beyond belief, chaotic, confusing and there will be many times where you will decide to quit. But I promise you, I promise you, that you can heal, you will get better and it will feel better. And you will look back and it will all be worth it. I really, really, believe in my signature line.
But I am sorry for the pain that you're going through, I know its not easy.
AG