(((((((emerald))))))) I'm so sorry, I've had a T retire and I know how painful and frightening it can be. And how overwhelming it can feel. Please know you're not alone and we can understand why this is so significant and so hard. As JM said, talk here as much as you need to about what you're going through.
How long before your T retire? Will you have time to process this ending with your T? It doesn't make it stop hurting but it can help you handle the pain. I'm so sorry you have to go through this.
AG