Hi Flicka,

I for one say it is worth it to express your feelings, and my transference experience isn't even one of the "successful" ones.

I became extremely attached to my son's T after about two years of working with her. Something pretty traumatic happened in our family and I went to her first. After that, I began to talk to her more about these issues and more, and soon we were emailing and talking on the phone practically every day.

Mine wasn't an erotic transference but I really, really, really wanted to be friends with her. I started researching, found this site, and got up the courage to tell her. She told me she also wished we could be friends, but it wasn't possible under the circumstances. I knew that's what she would say, so I wasn't surprised. All in all, it went well enough, but, like HB, only made the feelings more intense. I no longer see my son's T for insurance reasons but even if I had, I'm not sure she would have been able to help with the transference issue, because she really didn't know how to deal with it.

I now have a new T who is helping me, but the feelings of attachment haven't really subsided. I still want my son's T in my life 5 months later. I live in a small town and see her often, so that may be why the feelings are so strong. My T tells me that I am taking the right steps and that my feelings will fade as I find new relationships. I really think the first step to getting over my strong feelings of attachment was to tell her and talk to her about it. I have always been afraid to share my feelings and ask other people for what I need. Once I did that with my son's T, which was one of the hardest things I've ever done, I was able to start doing that in other parts of my life.

So it was worth it, not because I received everything I needed from my son's T, but because I was able to ask. And even though the answer was "no" I still have received more from her than from anyone else in my life really, because she accepted what I had to say and didn't dismiss me or make me feel like something was wrong with me. I know now that it's possible to ask, get over the "rejection" of not getting what I want, and still come out with a relationship that is beneficial to me.

I don't know if any of that made sense... but i hope it is helpful.

Take your time, and only ask when you are ready. I started my conversation by asking my son's T if she was familiar with transference. She said yes, and she didn't seem shocked or annoyed or anything, so I was able to continue.

OW