So, no, no receptionist
Maybe I will try to email again tomorrow, but just thinking about it I am sort of overwhelmed with shame/self-hate. I mean, I can't even let the poor woman alone for a few weeks. What kind of grown up freaks out for an absence of reply, while in all likelihood she is just on holidays.
And well, who am I to even dare to be unhappy about it? It is just the truth, I am work to her, even if she says she cares. Given the option, she cannot wait to forget about me. Who would not. That's real life, people don't actually want to stick around to care.
Or I may be projecting?
I am confused, and I have not been sleeping (or taking my meds, I know, that's bad) and feel ... A bit upset (and London is triggering nice quantities of tears and mini-panic attacks, how fun)
I am just not sure that I can deal with:
- her not answering and more anxiety
- her answering and confirming I should not have written because I bother her, even just by talking to her email box when she is away. It still feels like asking too much. (Retroactive logics: I did not get an answer, so it means i should not have wanted it)
I know you probably dont have time to answer me, but... I would not mind some thoughts or virtual hugs, it just takes a few seconds. (And here I am, asking for even more attention. I am disgusted by myself, doing that. I am sorry.)