CD,
Thanks for posting that, I really needed to read that right now. I am in the midst of a difficult situation in which I truly need to contain my own reactivity and shame in order to hear and empathized with someone else. I am actively trying to move from the Circle of Egocentrism into the circle of Compassion. Reading this helped me identify a lot of my defenses. It is slow, painful work but what was laid out in this article very much lined up with my experience so far.

I found especially moving the part about the therapist modeling the behavior. I have intrinsically learned a lot of my newer, more healthy behavior from watching how my therapist treats me. The part about respect especially resonated with me (as I think victim is the role I identify with the strongest, although I recognize myself in all three). My T refuses to rescue me, about which I can get quite angry at times, but it is also oddly reassuring. This was just really timely for me, thank you again.

AG

PS All that said, it was pretty painful reading at points. I am not so far along that some of it didn't sting. Working on that self-empathy. Oh and that wall of grief? Feels like it's six foot thick steel and hurts like a b**** when you run into it.