I haven't written here in a long time but this particular thread really struck a chord with me.

I have worked through a lot in the almost 2 years I've been seeing T. For a long time there was this intense attachment/transference that I could not let go of. I felt I NEEDED to be near her, to be close to her, to KNOW her constantly and deeply. And knowing I could not was what made it a thousand times worse.

Now, I have worked hard and am largely over this intense feeling, but I have a lingering curiosity about T that won't go away. It does not feel obsessive, but it is still there. She doesn't self-disclose very much at all, and when she does there is direct relevance to whatever I am experiencing. I find I want to tell her that I would like to know more about her... I don't really want to know about her problems, because then I might feel like I had to solve those problems for her. (Actually I really would like to know about PAST problems that she has had, where I could feel she was talking objectively and not feeling uncomfortable discussing it.) But I mostly want to know little things. Her favorite color, her favorite restaurant, her birthday, etc. But these are not things she is likely to talk about because they would have no bearing on my therapy. Except that I think they would. It would make me feel less frustrated and it would be nice to know she felt comfortable telling me a little about herself.

Part of what has helped me to get past the transference issues has been seeing her as more of an imperfect person rather than the perfect idol I used to see her as. One day she could not get her computer to work and she was a bit frustrated, which I actually found quite refreshing...to see a side of her that isn't perfect! It helped me to feel like we were more on the same level. She seemed more human to me, if that makes sense.

Sometimes I try to think of ways to get her to reveal some little tidbit about herself without asking her directly (she will answer SOME direct questions but I almost never ask for fear that I will feel embarrassed if she chooses not to answer.)

I don't know if any of this is making sense, but I seem to have this lingering curiosity...maybe it is just the last stage of the journey. The last hurdle to get over for me. But it makes me wonder if her self-disclosure would help or hurt the process. I think it would help- but she has gotten me this far with very little self-disclosure, so who knows? It is an interesting topic for sure!