quote:

I often felt like my outward bahavior was a facade. That I was very good at behaving in a such a manner as to convince people that I was a wonderful person, but it didn't match my core experience, but I didn't let anyone in far enough to figure that out. So I often felt alone and isolated. Which became even more confusing because I wondered what my problem was that I had so much but felt so miserable.

Bingo!
AG - You express this so well. What I really like about your posts, besides all the fantastic information, is that you really make me think. That is what therapy has done for me. Made me think about what is going on in my life, why, and how I can change it. Sometimes I think so much that my brain hurts. But, I can also see the improvements it has made in my life.

There have been many days when I wonder why I am going to therapy. Sometimes it's just too hard. My T then reminds me how brave and courageous I am to be involved in this self study and that many people give up when it gets hard (and sometimes frightening).

I know I have a long way to go to get to the point of truly understanding all this, but your posts help me to realize that this is the best possible road for me to take right now. It is the road to healing.

PL