Hi Soulfuldaze,
Welcome to the forums and thank you for posting and introducing yourself. I don't have much advice to add except to reinforce the idea that if you haven't yet done so it would be good to discuss all of these feelings with your T. I do get how you feel about your therapist, I saw my first therapist for 17 years before she retired and it was difficult to deal with it. At the time it was really horrible but I must admit in the long run it worked out for me. She was a woman, and my new T is a man, I've ended up with a very deep significant relationship with him and worked on issues I think I would have continued to avoid if I hadnt' gone to a man. I am in NO way suggesting that your leave your T, just letting you know that there is life after even a T of 18 years. I hope we can help you through this.

AG