My session today was pretty scattered. At least I didn't quit. I'm working hard...but it's just not fast enough. Again...I do not remember leaving T's office. Since I probably had no clue where my car was parked, I found myself in a bathroom, in the dark, on the other side of the hospital 2 hours later. I guess I needed a nap or something...probably just looking for a safe place. Then I had to re-orient myself to where I was in that huge hospital. *sigh*
Tonight I am expereincing a very deep kind of sadness. It seems oddly familiar but different than what I would call just being sad. My guess is that this is coming from a childlike state. I feel like a turtle without a shell. Vulnerable I guess.
I don't want to quit on this relationship but feel like I've painted myself into a corner. (that's a boundary image I've never used before...hmmm)
I really hate feeling this helpless...I'm going to drug myself and go to bed. Tomorrow is another day. (how very cliche' is that?)
What I'm feeling is no longer tolerable. A dreamless sleep sounds good right now and I need to get away from this feeling. It doesn't feel very safe to me.
SD