(((Affinity))) I just wanted to say that you are doing some really good, tough but good, work in your therapy. These are really hard things to discuss with your T. And I love that your T is so tender and gentle when dealing with your inside kid. You're attaching, and it's normal to seek an attachment figure in the face of fear and pain. It's a sign of health, I think, though it doesn't feel so great. If you haven't been able to do that much before, it's going to be terrifying.

Do you know what your T will say regarding touch for sure? It's really hard not knowing their policy at all and having these yearnings, and being ashamed of them, and alone in that shame, because you don't feel like you can talk about it. For what it's worth, after a lot of journaling and sharing of articles, I actually found out my T was willing to incorporate touch, and it has turned out very positively in our case, but if he had said no, I know it would have been out of a sense that it was for my own good, and not from a place of judgment of those very normal, human needs (which I still regularly feel ashamed about and apologize for, so I really do get it!).

Anyway, I'm not feeling super great right now, but I read your post and wanted to at least say you're not alone in these feelings and don't have to be ashamed. Part of it might be transference related to other major figures in your life. But, part of it is just being human, finding someone who has been safe with you, and sorting out some really confusing developmental/attachment stuff that you might not be used to if you have avoided closeness with others before due to projections about your unworthiness. But, you're not unworthy. You're valuable and loved!