(((TN))) Thanks for sharing your experience. It has helped.
I've been seeing my T for about three months now. Yeah, I know, I'm a real newbie to be in this deep. As far as the transference goes, the majority of it is little girl stuff. That was my feeling when I imagined him holding me. However, when both my pain and my warmth toward him are at their peak, it can turn erotic. So far, that only happens outside of session.
As I've said before, I'm not asking my T to hug me. I do think that would be too much touch for me. And today, my T gave perfectly valid, rational reasons for withholding touch. What is just so hurtful to me is that he does touch other clients, and while I know he's trying to protect me, his refusal to even shake my hand just reinforces my belief that I am too damaged for human contact - that no touch is safe for me. And now I'm kicking myself for being so honest and vulnerable and letting him see my wounded self, because maybe if I hadn't he'd treat me like a "normal" client.
