(((Affinity))) I am sorry as I also heard a "no" (but to anything but a handshake). My T has an across the board rule about no hugs. It is really painful to hear this no, but its important to keep talking about how you're feeling. I totally understand it evoking that feeling that you are untouchable, but that is NOT why your T is withholding touch. His witholding is about caring for you and doing what he believes is best for you. FWIW, a couple of years after my T told me no about hugs, and after spending a number of sessions discussing touch, I had a breakthrough session dealing with how I experienced touch outside of therapy and felt in a very deep visceral way how very important for me it was that my T did not hold me. It would have really confused me and messed with my head. That doesn't mean that I don''t ever feel longings to be held (and it can be painful to read about other people getting that from their therapist's) but I actually agree with my therapist about that boundary.

It has helped me to keep clear about what I can get out of therapy and what I can't. Even if my T had held me, it would not have made the loss of safe touch from my father disappear. But it might have covered it over. Not getting the hug from my T helped me go past him to the source of the pain and deal with my loss.

And this is so painful because it is evoking your losses, and when you did not have disruptions repaired nor were you attended to when disappointed and in pain this can feel so threatening to the relationship. But the reparative part here is that although the answer is a painful no, you are not alone in that pain. Your T can walk through it with you and allow you to express it and help comfort you through it. You did the right thing to allow him to see your wounded self, it is how you will heal. Just keep talking about all these feelings. It will get better.

And I just want to be clear that while I understand your T's answer, there is NOTHING wrong with you wanting to be held or touched. That is normal and healthy for a human being. Nor was there anything wrong with you asking; actually it was very courageous of you to do. I know that this feels like you risked opening up and just got hurt again but hang in there, this is different but it takes a while to see it. I am sorry though, I know it feels like your heart is breaking.

AG