I promised to let you know what happened in session with my new Ms. T. Plus I didnt want JM tracking me down with the beagles!! LOL
Well, I made it a point to ge there 10 minutes early so I could catch a glimpse of Mr. T, which BTW I did, and he seemed to be as anxious to see me as I him...or so I fantasise that he did...but I was really nervous and trying to look calm too. My new Ms. T seems very nice and very open about things, she knew I really did not care to see her and told me she knew that. She knew the feelings I had for him and told me she undestood that too...I told her exactly how I had felt about the whole thing and that I was hurt, mad, upset, and devestated at the whole thing...as we talked I told her that one thing that I really needed was to be able to see him for a few minutes once every once in a while to discuss my progress with him, She said she would ask if I could show positive progress in my work for my feelings for him...I told her I was upset that I had called him twice and he hadn't called me back...she told me he told her I had called and to explain that it was best right now that he didn't.
I told her I was afraid to open up to her because when i opened up to him he kicked me to the curb..I told her I had a terrible time last week and felt like I could have ended it all for the first 24 hours......and it wasn't fair I had to go thru all that and he didn't have to suffer at all..because he didn't care...That's when she told me she had something that I really needed to hear. She said that "he" had come to her and talked to her for "several hours" about my case and the things we had worked on...and he was very concerned for me and was very strong in the fact that I get thru this and supervise the work, because he cared very much that I respected his work and trusted him enough to have the feelings that I had for him in the first place, and that he did not want me to have to go thru this alone. He also told her that he was amazed at the strength I had and the initative I took to tell him how I really felt, because most women do not, the therapist has to point it out of them. This made me feel a little better.
Anyway we talked mainly about my feelings about the whole thing and she was very kind and told me she didn't blame me for the things I felt and that she would probably felt the same. I told her that even though I had been thru heck and half of Georgia these last few months that I am not a quitter, and I would survive...now I just gotta keep telling myself that!!
She told me my homework for next week is to write "HIM" a letter. A letter telling hime everything I wanted to say to him, good and bad...express my feelings that I never got to tell him, and to let him know how he had helped me too...I don't have to give it to him or her but I can if I want to...I been thinking about wahat to say...but really don't know where to begin...I'll thimk about that tomorrow!!..but that's pretty much how it went...and I cried alot...and had 2 milkshakes on the way home...it felt good...so I skipped supper tonight...talk to you soon...and thanks for the responses keep themem coming...I need it and love the support!!...Charlotte